Absolute horror: healthy mousse au chocolat

Healthy desserts, they are always tricky. They tend to be good up to a certain point, but they’re never the real deal. Anyone who’s ever made a healthy equivalent of a dessert will know what I’m talking about, no? You’ve all heard about the healthy cheesecake, or the two-ingredient ice cream which isn’t ice cream at all. They’re tasty, they trick the mind well enough.

I do a lot of exercise and try to combine this with a healthy food schedule, which is tough since I like good food and desserts from time to time (read: always). A couple of weeks ago I decided to cut refined sugars from my diet to see the impact and (optional) benefits this would have on my body. During the Easter period, I mean, what was I thinking?

Mousse au chocolat. Well, any mousse in all its glory – whether with chocolate, amaretti, speculoos or anything else – was not an option during these sugarfree weeks so I tried to look for a nice equivalent. Read it again: nice. There is a lot to find on the worldwideweb on healthy mousse au chocolat, especially following recipe:

  • 1 large banana
  • 1 ripe avocado
  • 2 tablespoons of cocoa powder
  • Optional: honey (*)

The instructions are as easy as they come. Just mix the banana, avocado and cocoa powder until you have a mousse like consistency. Add the honey if you are a sweet tooth. I left it out. Spoiler: absolute blunder. The texture surprises me, it looks deceivingly good. As I fill two cups with the mousse, I’m already smiling to the thought of eating one of them once they’ve sat in the fridge for an hour.

(*) There is nothing optional about the honey. If you’re ever tempted to make this dessert yourself, because you’re a masochist like that, put in all the honey you have in your pantry. All of it!

The first bite, then. This waltzes you from a ‘mhm, edible’ to an intense existential crisis. Shattered food foundations, reality is not what it is. How is it even possible that the ingredients, which as stand-alones are absolutely delicious, make it such a foul, nauseating tasting experience? The question ‘What tastes worse: this or fermented herring such as surströmming?’ is tough one to answer. The taste is that of mold, like when you throw a grape in your mouth and it’s off. Like that. It leaves a bitter patina on the tongue, which is there to hit you like a Vietnam flashback every time you think about it. 

What especially strikes me is the way this dessert is glorified. Comments range from ‘This is so good, you almost don’t taste the difference’ to ‘What an amazing replacement, it’s so yum’. Now, I’m not here to offend or insult people and it is great that they absolutely adore it and are able to embrace this degenerate version, but.. What? My tastebuds were in absolute agony every bite. 

In conclusion: I’m pretty sure that Joseph Conrad’s famous sentence in Heart of Darkness: ‘The horror, the horror!, refers to this dessert and this alone. Never again in my life will I make a dessert that disgusting, let alone try to offer it to anyone else. Desserts like these should definitely come with a warning. So, the recipe is there. I’m not going to stop you from trying it, it’s your responsability. 

Next time, I’ll talk about really good food, promised!





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